I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
