I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
