Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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