Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
