I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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