Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
