Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
