Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
