Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
