I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
