I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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