I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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