Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
