You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
