When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
