You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
