Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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