I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
