im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
