So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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