I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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