I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
