so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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