He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
