so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
