I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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