Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
