let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
