The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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