Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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