I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize