I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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