So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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