About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
