I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is Oprah even human
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
