he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
