he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
