i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
