Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
