This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
