that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
