i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
