I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
