he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
