We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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