I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
