I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
