...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
