before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
