I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
