Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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