Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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