We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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