I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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