why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
