i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
