I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
