Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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