it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
