i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
