she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
