just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
