I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize