Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
