you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
