it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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