Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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