How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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