3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
