i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
