Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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