i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
