i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
