i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
