Can i not drive my cunt home
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
