Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
