I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
