you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
