dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
