omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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