What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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