I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
