Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
